Friday, May 4, 2012 – Sorry just realized this did not post last week, so it will be out of order but I did not want to lose the entry.
A few people have told me it’s normal to ask Why Me.
Is it normal not to ask? I have not asked myself or God Why Me. I think, why not me?
I am a woman with breasts, why should I not be just as likely to get breast cancer?
Maybe I never smoked or drank and that makes me less of a risk factor. But really? Cancer does not discriminate.
And I know I am only given what I can handle and what I need to learn from. So today I lose a breast.
I lose a breast, but gain my life. Or is it that simple?
The wonderful medical staff at University of Chicago was welcoming and calming, but it’s still a sobering experience to say goodbye to your children and spouse before being rolled into the operating room. Looking at the amazing faces of my husband, Kevin; daughter, Jaclyn; and son, Zachary and saying goodbye was hard. While I knew I would be fine in my heart, I still knew the small possibility of the worst case. I was so thankful that our dear friends Dan and Mistee were on their way to be in the waiting room with my family.
I remember entering the operating room and them stretching my arms on either side of me for blood pressure cuffs, monitors and such. I looked passed the large round lights above me and focused on all those praying for me. I asked my Dad to be with me, I asked my sister, who has been my guardian angel since she passed away at two years old to be with me and I relinquished myself to the Lord and the Doctors that would have my fate in their hands.
I awoke in recovery five hours later, looking into the loving eyes of my husband. We have spent most of our life together, Since high school I have trusted those eyes with my life and my heart and they did not fail me now. He was worried and relieved. The tears of joy told me I survived, but the sadness told me there was more.
After Kevin, my daughter, then my son came in to see me. Zachary was able to walk along as I was wheeled to a room in Bernard Mitchell Hospital. Brad the transporter was a Christian that shared his faith with us. It was exactly what I needed to hear, God’s mercy sent through this young man.
I rested after a short visit, hug and kiss from Dan and Mistee. It was so good to laugh. Dan, I hear you asked if I ate nails for breakfast, since I was so tough. Thanks and I am looking forward to breakfast with your family soon 🙂 I love you, Mistee and the boys!
With an exhausted family from a looong day, I insisted Kevin and Zach head home, while Jaclyn insisted she was sleeping in the chair all night and not leaving my side.
It was a restless night with drains, monitoring, new room-mate and meds ..but I survived with my daughter’s strength holding me up.
Grade embraced: Thank you Lord for the grace of steady hands for the surgeons and caring hearts for the medical staff. Thank you for the blessings of so many loved ones and the grace of opening my eyes to look into the eyes I want to grow old with. I may have lost a breast today, but I gained so much more.